Local Inn -- Adventurers multiverse-wide expressed shock, disbelief, and horror yesterday when the Surgeon General (Clr15/Pal3/Rog2) announced preliminary findings that suggest that repeated use of Haste, the ubitquitous 3rd level spell, is linked with neurodegenerative diseases, genetic mutation, and certain types of cancer.
"We don't have enough solid information to be more specific," the Surgeon General reported from his magically fortified bunker via enormous programmed images. "We can only speculate at what appears to be a definite causal link."
The Surgeon General's staff of Loremasters and Bards began investigating Haste when it came to their attention that the incredibly useful spell, often the subject of "is it too powerful for this level" debates, was used by very few creatures in the wild.
"Look at the demons and devils," said SubSonic Throat, a bard who declined to be otherwise named, despite much pressure. "The balor gets Blasphemy, Unholy Aura, and Symbol at will, but a 3rd level humdinger to get one little extra partial action per round? Nope. The Solar, unique agent of a particular god? The only way he can get Haste is if he burns his Wish for that day. Something didn't fit."
One of the few creatures affected by a permanent Haste effect was the Choker. "We looked at that poor bastard," SubSonic Throat announced, "thinking, hey, a pathetic CR2 loser that has a 3rd level spell on it permanently. Cute. God, we had no idea about the truth."
SubSonic Throat was unable to answer further questions, as one of the programmed images of the Surgeon General abruptly shifted into a Phantasmal Killer and executed the informant.
"Please don't be alarmed," the Surgeon General finished. "We don't want to stop people from Hasting themselves before that big battle with the red wyrm. We don't want to imply that anyone overusing the Haste spell eventually degenerates into a small aberration whose only attacks are a pair of tentacle slaps. That would be silly."
The Surgeon General added that use-activated permanent Haste items were "probably a bad idea", shuddering slightly and then shaking his head as if to clear away an unpleasant image.
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